Hi! So these Annoying Asterisk stories are just for fun and for kids. So… it’s not exactly written in the best way. Plus, it’s not really a story. Anyway… enjoy? 😛

aairah

Alright, Asterisk, it’s time you go to school.

*Hm?*

You heard me. School.

*… humma?*

Ugh! Okay, what grade are you–oh, yeah, you’ve never went to school. Hm. Does that mean you should start preschool? Wait… you know the English language. Do you know what–

*Oh my gosh, woman, control your mouth. I’m trying to watch TV.*

–forty-four plus sixty-eight is?

*Um. That’s easy. One hundred twelve. Now leeeeaaave.*

Y-you know that already???

*I’m not stupid.*

So then… what grade are you in?

*I’m in college.*

Excuse me? Do I look like a fool to you?

*What do you mean, excuse you? Excuse me! You are calling me a preschooler! I have general knowledge while you rot in your lower standards.*

Uh–you–little–ASTERISK! What the? How old are you??

*YOU DO NOT ASK ME SUCH THINGS YOUNG LADY.*

Oh, really? So you expect me to be OKAY with the fact that you could be TWENTY YEARS OLD?

*HOW DARE YOU CALL ME TWENTY!*

UGH!

*You UGH!*

Alright, that’s enough. You are coming. With me. To Harvard.

*???*

That’s right. No excuses. I’ll see if you’re lying or not. Now come.

*I’m not coming with YOU to be tested into some hooman-y college thing because you said so!*

Fine. (Sigh.) I guess that means no seaweed, then.

*I’ll come with you to be tested into some hooman-y college thing because you said so.*

Now, that’s more like it!

*B-but wait… isn’t that in Massachusetts?*

Umm…

*OooOOOoOOOoooh! A plane!! VROOOOOOM!*

Oh no.

At the boarding thingy the next day…

*OMG PLANE TIME! PLANE TIME! PLANE TIMEEEE!*

Okay Asterisk. What is five-hundred and sixty-four times forty-seven?

*Does it have to be math?*

YES. Math proves how smart you are!! … I think. Now I bet you don’t know this.

*Hmmm… let me think. If that goes into that, and that is there, and then that goes over there, and then that goes–*

Uh…

*–then surely that would go there, meaning the answer is twenty-six thousand, five-hundred and eight.*

…Asterisk…

*Yes? That was right, wasn’t it?*

…I think… you’re a genius.

*Um, duh. That’s why I’m enrolled in Harvard.*

Actually, we’re just going to talk to a counsellor person. I think. I actually have no idea what we’re doing here. Like, do we just go to someone in the school? The principal? Do colleges have a council? Is there a tiny government thing? OMG, I’ve always wanted to see–

*Okay, okay, okay!! More math numbers!*

Okay. Um. Six-hundred forty-four times eighty-two.

*Uh… could you say that again…?*

Sure. Six-hundred forty-four, times eighty–

“CALCULATOR ERROR. CALCULATOR ERROR. CALCULATOR ERROR.”

*Uhhhhh…*

ASTERISK! YOU WERE USING A CALCULATOR THIS WHOLE TIME??

*…Maybe…*

FOR GOODNESS SAKE! I paid tickets for a plane to Massachusetts! I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS, HONESTLY SPEAKING!

*I-I did most of the work!*

Like?

*I typed it in!*

Asterisk. Let me tell you something.

*Y-yeah?*

You’re dead.

*WHAT? HOW DID YOU KNOW?*

WAIT. You’re a GHOST?